“He likes girl things” she said, and his face fell.
“What does she mean, Mummy?”
“I don’t know baby, I don’t even know if she knows what she means by that.”
But she did. It was said with an upward curl of the lip and a slight shiver, like she was trying to shake off the thought of, shock horror, a boy playing with something pink.
A pink dino? Argh! Does this go in the girl’s section or the boy’s? How about just calling it the TOY section 😉
We were in TK Maxx looking for a birthday gift for a friend. Mushroom was looking at musical jewellery box at the time. He wanted to know how it worked. In fact, it didn’t work (possibly this is how such a beautiful box ended up in TK Maxx for less than a fiver) but he is aware of how these boxes work and wanted to see the doll dance… I’m not sure whether he was more interested in seeing the doll dance or working out how that happened but either way, he was just being a kid. Gender doesn’t even come into it.
Yes lady, by your definition, Mushroom does like girl things. Although he will vehemently deny that he likes pink (he doesn’t like pale pink. To be honest, neither do I. Maybe he’s noticing society’s recation to boys who like pink and maybe he’s copying me. I am still not sure about that), he has no qualms in picking up an Elsa hairband complete with plait and wearing it throughout our shopping trip. I didn’t buy it because he had just been gifted a hairband from a friend that he never wears. He likes what he likes. He’s four.
He liked the music box. That day, he also wanted me to buy: (in no particular order) A Robofish. A Sofia the First themed toy. A stuffed Henry Hugglemonster. A Gruffalo book and a Buzz lightyear backpack…. We bought the Gruffalo book (it has magnets to make up your own story, what’s not to love!).
You know what? Mushroom likes a lot of things. Barbie and Ben 10. Having his toenails painted. The Care Bears and the Power Rangers. Ballet and Karate. I could go on (and I know I’m rambling).
What’s my point? Well, by announcing loudly in a negative way, “He likes girl things” that lady made him question himself for a moment. Is it ok for boys to like pink things? Dolls? These messages are bombarded at our kids from an early age and they are not helpful, they reinforce an unnecessary gender divide. Yes, there is evidence that boys and girls tend to play with different things but how much of this is nature and how much of it is a societal construct…? Until we just let kids be kids, can we ever know..?
This rambling post was brought to you courtesy of a rude shop assistant (no reflection on TK Maxx as a store, I hasten to add). What are your thoughts? I’m not even sure mine are clear as yet but I do feel quite strongly about the need to let kids be kids and avoiding language that may teach shame at a young age… Please do comment below with your experiences and opinions!
Arrrggghhhhh this kind of stuff makes me so mad! Why do girls have to be into pink and boys blue? It’s such a ridiculously draconian way of thinking about the world. Really hope it didn’t affect Mushroom (or you) for too long x
No he got over it quickly enough, but seeing his face fall like that was horrible 🙁 This was a couple of weeks ago now, wrote this then but forgot to edit and publish til now!) Hope you’re well xx
That’s a rotten thing for her to say! I don’t think there should be girls toys and boys toys at all just ‘toys’. As a mum of three boys I’m really aware of this kind of stuff. Both my older two LOVED pink till they started school and then somehow learned that ‘pink is for girls’. My eldest (8) says his favourite colour is orange which (he says) is really because he still likes pink but he feels he would get teased if he said so, whereas orange is close to pink but acceptable. My middle son (6) switched straight to blue as his favourite colour as soon as he started school. In terms of toys we’ve always had a range – vehicles, teddies, jigsaws of fireman sam and fairy castles – whatever appealed to them. My oldest has often sighed at all the boys stuff covered in cars “I’m just not that into vehicles, why does every one think boys have to be?” but my youngest ADORES vehicles. We have a lot of lego in our house because it’s fab and they can build whatever they like with it. I’d be very interested to know how much of our gender preferences are inbuilt and how much are what we learn from society – it’s hard to say!
That’s it, isn’t it Maddy? How can we know? The sorts of experiments that could allow us to find out just can’t happen as there is only so much we can do as parents to override outside influences… All we can do is reinforce our children’s right to be who they are, whatever that means for them…
This drives me mad, Rachael! We were at the grocery one time, and you know how they have little trinkets where you pay? They happened to have a box of little pink bracelets. My curious little boy was just fingering them and the cashier said, “Oh that’s not for you, that’s for girls.” WTF? First, he was just tinkering with it. And second, even if he wanted to buy it, who gives a crap? I think it goes back to our discomfort with gender issues. It’s comfortable when our boys like trucks, but not so comfortable when they’re into Barbies. It’s sad, and I wish it wasn’t an issue, especially when it’s not even an issue to begin with. I think I need to write more about this on my blog lol!
Oh these shop assistants with their ‘throwaway’ comments Nina! Except the kids do hear them don’t they, and remember, and each one can add to the influences that can change their behaviour over time… Let’s just let kids be kids! I look forward to reading what you have to say when you write your blog on the same topic! x
urgh! I wish people would think more before they open their mouths. I think we’re bombarded with enough stereotypes as we grow up without random people foisting them on our small impressionable kiddies! Argh!!
I think she did think, though and that’s just it…. It’s what she thought that’s the problem… And it wasn’t so much the words that hurt Mushroom but her tone and the look on her face. So much judgement. And she was so young! Made me wonder where her beliefs come from…