Rachael

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My first holiday! | From Mushroom’s mouth

Posted on: September 25, 2014: Post written by: Rachael

Hello! It’s been a while since my last post but Mummy has said she’ll let me loose on the computer more often now. Yay! (both for me and for you. I’m much more interesting than her).

So. We went on holiday. To Turkey. I’m a bit confused about that. Not too long ago we went to the farm and Mummy showed me some turkeys. They were birds – sort of, like chickens. They have a funny thing on their necks that I don’t like. Now Turkey is a country like England. Well, not like England at all actually – it’s very different and even looks different on the map. And it’s far away. It’s all a bit too much to get my head round just now. Maybe I’ll get it when I’m bigger.

You’ve probably read Mummy’s post earlier this week, so I’ll try not to tell you the same things, except… I WENT ON AN AEROPLANE! The big ones you see in the sky! Really! We went up in the air and I got to have two lollipops after dinner, which helps my ears (how? I don’t know but they didn’t hurt. I think Daddy’s did though. He looked sad). It was beyond exciting. I don’t think Mummy said nearly enough about it to be honest. I mean, it’s like a giant bus/coach IN THE AIR! It. Was. Awesome. Yes, I do mean that literally. I’m three. Travelling through the air above the clouds is actually awe-inspiring. So much so that I fell asleep with all the excitement.

We arrived at the hotel in the middle of the night (it was soooo dark!) and a man took us to a room that didn’t have a bed for me in it. Mummy and Daddy talked to the man and he went away and came back with a cot. A cot! I’m not a baby. They told me I’d sleep in a different bed but a cot? I was tired and annoyed. I wanted to go home so I cried a lot. But I got over it, eventually.

By the second night I quite liked the cot, it felt safe and cosy. On the fourth night I woke up with my legs stuck down the side (I can’t believe Mummy didn’t tell you that!) and liked it less. But after one night sleeping with Mummy and Daddy all night I realised how much room they take up and asked to go back in the cot (I know, seems crazy right? What can I say? I needed the space). Mummy seemed worried I’d get stuck again – I did, but it wasn’t a big deal – and kept getting up in the night to check on me (I know, I felt her move me). No wonder she joined me at naptimes, bless her.

Anyway. Enough about the cot.

What did I like about the holiday…?

Swimming every day, with Mummy! I’m really good now
The cat. It lived at the bottom of the stairs to the pool and one day it got in my buggy. It was hilarious.

Eating ice cream every day
Drinking cocktails. Cocktails! Just like Mummy! And fizzy juice
Chips! And as many olives as I can eat (quite a lot. I made Mummy take the stones out first though)

That’s me on the right. Drinking a cocktail

Playing with Mummy and Daddy every day. With Mummy I played schools, what’s the time Mr Wolf?, witches, dragons, princesses and superheroes – we both played all parts and Mummy is better at dragons and witches than princesses – and with Daddy I mostly just played with the sand. I tried to get him to be a witch but he just didn’t get it. He tries…

Speaking of Daddy trying… Well. A few times when Mummy needed ‘time’ (for what? I don’t see why I can’t be there while she does whatever it was she was doing!) I had to look after Daddy. He doesn’t manage very well on his own. Mostly it was during the afternoon so I’d suggest ‘ice cream?’ – a win for us both I think – and we might play together in the park. One afternoon though, we’d only been out a little while when I needed a wee. Daddy suggested we go to the ‘new’ toilets. I said no. They were outside! Last time I’d used an outside toilet there was a worm… A shiny, slimy, wriggly worm with legs – on the floor. I was with Mummy that time and she wasn’t bothered but I made her use a different toilet in case it bit her or something. Daddy, though. Well, I’ve seen how he reacts when he sees a spider on the living room floor so knew he wouldn’t be able to cope. So I cried. When he asked why I refused to tell him and he got upset and a little shouty. We went back to our room and Daddy told Mummy what had happened. Mummy said ‘I thought I heard his cry…’ then she gave Daddy a funny look and said ‘You’ve only been gone 20 minutes.’ Daddy swore it was an hour but she was right. I couldn’t tell her the truth though! I had to protect Daddy’s feelings. So. Later when she asked me what really happened I just told her ‘There are worms in toilets that are outside.’ She got it.

Back to what else I liked about the holiday…

The boat trip! I danced all day! And I made a friend. The captain of the boat was called ‘Ocean.’ How cool is that? He kept saying ‘alright mate?’ to me. He was brilliant and I still miss him sometimes.

The Kids Club. I barely spoke whenever I went in there but I loved it and Mellin always found something for me to do. Colouring, painting… I just wish there had been more children there to play with..

The mini-disco. All the kids who had been hiding in the daytime were at the mini disco. Until the last day, I refused to get on the stage with that elephant though. Sure, I love music and dancing but I did. not. trust. that. elephant. Look at him. Just look:

Looks dodgy, right? I touched his trunk on the last day just to keep Mummy and Daddy happy. He seemed a little less dodgy after that, I admit, so I had a dance. But anyway the shows were better than the disco and I stayed up to watch those EVERY NIGHT.

The shows! They were all good – traditional dancing, something called ‘Mr Crystal,’ which I didn’t really get but some men got up and acted very silly so I laughed but my favourite perfromers were the acrobats.

Mum. You could’ve taken a better photo. What about the human pyramid! I suppose this will have to do…

Amazing! I have been practising my forward rolls a lot more since seeing them. I’m getting better.

Finally, on my last night Mummy took me to the kids club and I got my face painted like spiderman. I can’t believe she didn’t tell you that! I’d been waiting all week for it after I missed it on my first day. I looked brilliant.

Coming home was ok. My ears hurt a bit as we landed but not too much and I was looking forward to being in my own bed. The loooong wait to get my buggy wasn’t great as Mummy and Daddy didn’t carry me properly. They said they were ‘tired’. Try being 3! I’m learning and growing ALL THE TIME. It’s exhausting. But we ate at Burger King before the coach journey and I got a crown. Result.

Now that we’ve been back home a while and the novelty of my own bed has worn off, I want to go on holiday and see the stars again. I miss it.

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Our first family holiday!

Posted on: September 22, 2014: Post written by: Rachael

So, as some of you know, Mr B, Mushroom and I have not long returned from our first family holiday. This is Mushroom’s first holiday since he started nursery in 2011 (he’s only ever had Christmas week off) and my first break since our honeymoon in 2010.

Honeymoon massages – A very different sort of holiday..!

…so when I say first break, I really mean it. When I returned to work in 2011 I used any time off to work on my freelance stuff, so this really was my first proper break (if you’re wondering about maternity leave, don’t. That’s not a holiday). So this was a BIG DEAL.

I wasn’t sure whether to go, what with having just set up my freelance business properly but Mr B argued it was all the more reason to take a break. He was right.

So, we booked an all-inclusive deal with Crystal Green Bay hotel in Bodrum, Turkey, bought Mushroom a suitcase and talked about it a lot (he’s ok with change as long as he knows what’s going on so we made sure we prepared him)… I was worried about his travel sickness but with a dose of phenergan (it works!* The one day we travelled on a bus without it he threw up everywhere. lesson learned) he was fine. In fact, he loved the flight there – ‘We in the sky Mummy, the sky!’ – while Mr B screwed his eyes tight shut and held on to the armrests. I love flying too, despite being horrendously travel sick in cars, so I guess Mushroom takes after me.

Once we arrived Mushroom did have a mini meltdown, crying ‘I want to go home! I want my bed!’ But to be fair, he had been given a cot, not the proper bed we’d promised, and it was past 1am.

The next day was better. We explored the hotel and found the provision for children to be excellent. The Kids Club had a shallow pool with slides and a little playground right next it. The playground was a lifesaver while waiting for dinner! The Kids Club also put on a ‘mini-disco’ every night after dinner, which Mushroom loved watching. All week he refused to get up on the stage and watch, claiming to be scared of Crispy the Elephant (their mascot) but on our last day he surprised us by asking to ‘touch the elephant’ and then dancing on the stage for two minutes before getting embarrassed and running off.

Speaking of the Kids Club – the staff were excellent – and even though this isn’t a review I have to give a special mention to Mellin who I would have happily left Mushroom with (even thought he’s a little young) if he’d let me! there were never many kids there so he didn’t really make friends, which might have made a difference but it didn’t matter, it was nice to have him with us (most of the time! He did have his moments).

Not being used to the logistics of travelling with kids and unsure which day trips were really kid friendly, we only booked one day out – a boat trip, which involved a lot of stops to swim in the sea. Great for me but not so great for Mr B who isn’t such a strong swimmer. There was one stop at a beach though, and Mushroom didn’t mind at all as the boat played music all day and he entertained everyone by dancing non-stop from 10am to 5pm, barely even stopping to eat! I guess the difference between that and the mini-disco is that he wasn’t on a stage so didn’t feel so much that people were watching him.

We also made a couple of trips into Bodrum but other than that we stayed at the hotel. Pre-Mushroom I might have found this a little boring but he kept me busy! We spent most mornings practising swimming (which paid off, as he can now swim by himself without a float!) and we all needed afternoon naps. This meant that we spent very little once we were on holiday, even returning with some spending money left over. Bonus!

Of course, I couldn’t return from Turkey without having had a traditional massage so just before our last day, Mr B and I took turns playing with Mushroom and each had a 90 minute skin peel (tan remained intact in case you’re wondering!), foam massage, relaxing massage and face mask. That was bliss.

I could say so much more but I already feel I’ve gone on a bit so I’ll stop there… So, what have I learned as a parent from this holiday? Well, here are some top tips (stuff that worked for me. This was my first family holiday so I’m no expert!)

Get organised – I packed early so Mushroom and I could play in the park the morning before the flight – both flying out and coming back

Prepare your child – especially if they’re sensitive. Mushroom only had a mini meltdown because it was late and he wasn’t happy about the cot. Knowing what to expect made a huge difference to him

Take some stuff from home – I read lots of advice about getting toys for the journey and I did get some, but what was much more useful was having familiar toys for teary moments and books (small ones!) for bedtimes. We also took some snacks we know he likes

Take a buggy! – A no brainer you’d think but even if your child has stopped napping still consider it. The heat means they might sleep more. Mushroom slept 3 hours one day and there was no waking him! He also got tired walking around Bodrum so it’s essential for day trips

Relax the food rules – Mushroom does like his fruit and veg and ate well some days. Others he ate next to nothing. We still let him eat ice cream, non-alcoholic cocktails and fizzy drinks nearly every day. It’s his holiday too.

Little ‘n’ large cocktails

And here’s what didn’t work..!

Letting him have juice straight after getting off the bus in Bodrum. Ok, he was thirsty and water wouldn’t have stopped him being sick. But it might have been a little quicker and easier to clean him up had I not given him cherry juice

Telling him I’m fed up of playing witches/dragons/superheroes. I only said this once and now we’re back home I’ve no doubt I’ll say it again. But his face. He looked crushed. He’d assumed I was having as much fun as him

Yelling ‘Just go to sleep!’ when he wants to go for a walk. At 11pm – Turned out he wanted to see the stars. Once I’d calmed down, I agreed to take him out in the buggy and he told me he loved ‘to the stars twinkling’. Only then did it occur to me that he has never seen stars before. I had shouted because was really tired and didn’t want to get dressed again, hence the yelling. Parenting fail. It wasn’t about me.

After than we went for a walk every night after dinner before the mini-disco just to see the stars.

And one more, especially for returning home…

Putting the buggy in the hold. I wish I had bought one of those small buggies that can be taken on as hand luggage as the two-hour wait to get back into the UK was back breaking, even though Mr B and I took turns holding an exhausted Mushroom who kept crying ‘I just want to sit in my buggy!’ I was so envious of those who had the foresight to get a buggy their child could sit on while they waited (or had a Trunki!).

I’m sure if I made more mistakes Mushroom will tell you all about those later this week but these are the ones that stand out for me! Overall, although it was much more exhausting than the sorts of holidays Mr B and I were used to, we all had a great time. Now that we’re back and Mushroom is settling back into his usual bedtime routine, we appreciate our ‘free’ evenings together more than ever!

And finally… Here are a few more photos, just because I wanted to share them!

Find out what Mushroom thought about his first holiday in our next post, coming soon! If you don’t want to miss it, consider signing up to get it straight into your inbox (that box on the right? Under the menu? There, that’s it!).

*Nothing about this post is sponsored, nor is it a review of any of the places or products mentioned. Phenergan is just the only thing that works for us so happy to share

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Holiday Haiku

Posted on: September 16, 2014: Post written by: Rachael

I have been on holiday
I’m a lot browner
And a little less tired

To find out more about our first family holiday, come back next week to read both mine and Mushroom’s perspectives!

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Living the dream

Posted on: September 06, 2014: Post written by: Rachael

Hello there. It’s been a while. It would be rather egotistical of me to assume I’ve been missed (although to those of you who said you have missed me, I’m very flattered!) but I hope you’re as happy to see me as I am to see you!

So, it’s been a very busy couple of months… I said in my last post that I would be back with some exciting news so let’s start with that shall we?

I’ve been freelancing for a while but it’s always been on the side – stopping short of taking the plunge and doing it ‘properly.’ Lately, a chain of events (including my experience of BritMums Live 2014) have conspired to give me that final push I really needed and I have launched my freelance business; Writing | People | Poetry – writing (including bespoke poetry) and coaching. This step has been a long time coming and you can read more about what I do here and/or check out the (shiny new) website by clicking on the image below.

Heart-centred work

This has meant is a real internal shift for me and already I am noticing the positive effect it is having in all areas of my life. It’s not that I didn’t like what I was doing before – it was a role that included writing and coaching and some of it did make my heart sing. But some of it didn’t. I was ready to move on but needed a shove. Well, I got one and here I am. I know I’m doing the right thing because it doesn’t feel like work. I’m happier and more relaxed so Mr B and Mushroom are also getting a better version of me.

Speaking of Mushroom…

The eagle-eyed among you may have noticed that the ‘strapline’ in my header has changed. It was ‘From birth and nappy bins to tantrums and toilet training.’ I decided it was time for an update. I never actually wrote about nappy bins in the end and Mushroom is now toilet trained so it just felt like we’d outgrown it. So I had a think about this blog and its purpose, and where I am going with it. The focus hasn’t changed. It’s still a record of Mushroom’s milestones and my parenting journey. That doesn’t make me unique though, so I looked at my previous posts and asked around. I found that the posts that get the most interaction (i.e. the ones that people come to me for) are those where I share my imperfections – and celebrate them or share what I’ve learned by getting it wrong – and those I write from Mushroom’s perspective. So, although you’ll still see plenty about Mushroom’s milestones, random anecdotes, posts about things close to my heart and occasional reviews for products and services that might be useful, also expect to see more on my imperfect parenting style and more from Mushroom’s mouth. So, in case you’d missed it above – my new strapline is:

Perfectly imperfect parenting from both perspectives

What do you think? Actually no, don’t tell me… I’ll tell you what. I’ll show you and you show me. How does that sound? Come back for my next few posts and if you like what you read, why not sign up to receive posts straight to your inbox? Already know you want more? I’m flattered. Ok. See that little box on the right, just under the menu? That’s it, right there. Just pop your email address in and you’re done. I’m not that prolific a blogger so I promise it will be manageable!

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BritMums Live | An overwhelming experience

Posted on: June 30, 2014: Post written by: Rachael

Last weekend I went to my first blogging conference. It was exciting, enlightening, slightly terrifying and very overwhelming.

For those who haven’t heard of it, BritMums Live (BML) is the UK’s biggest two-day social media conference and blogger event. You can read more about it here. This year it was bigger than ever with around 700 bloggers attending over the Friday and Saturday. That’s 700. Yes, it’s a lot. Hence feeling overwhelmed – I still feel a little overwhelmed now, over a week later. That’s part of the reason it has taken me so long to write this post. I started off writing about everything in the order I did it… It was too much and frankly, pretty boring. So, several attempts later I’ve decided to go right back to the beginning…

How did I end up at BritMums Live 2014?

To be honest, although I was a member of BritMums, I didn’t know too much about BML this time last year. It was something that other bloggers talked about but I never felt a part of the conversation and wasn’t sure about going along to such a large scale event by myself so I did nothing about it. However, I was lucky enough to be offered sponsorship by Ade at Maximum Inheritance Specialists. I reviewed Ade’s will writing service last summer and was impressed by the service – his personal touch made what could be a rather morbid conversation feel more like a pleasant chat. If you’re thinking about writing a will – or even if you’re not, but you don’t yet have one, do get in touch with him for a no obligation consultation.

So, once I had my ticket I looked into it a little more. The sheer scale of it still terrified me, so I stopped looking and tried not to think about it too much.

Fast forward to May 2014 and I join a virtual open mic night (hosted by the lovely Stephanie Arsoka, who was shortlisted for a Brilliance in Blogging (BiB) award in the Fresh Voice category this year), at which I share some poetry in a public forum for the first time in… Well, a long time, and everyone is talking about BritMums. Two of those reading mention that they are reading poems at the Bloggers keynote (Helen Braid and Sarah Miles) and I start to think perhaps I should think about reading the agenda. I do. It’s still pretty scary. I put it away until two weeks before the conference when I go crazy with a highlighter and make notes of things I want to do. I panic a little.

What was it like?

Well, I arrived early and still nearly ran away before bumping into the lovely Ellie Stoneley, who was very reassuring. Then… Well, it was a bit like this:

Friday:

Hands shaking / heart jumping / adrenaline pumping / amusing inspiring exciting confusing / slightly annoying / connecting embracing / exhausting

Saturday:

Moving / motivating / Connecting Fearing Trusting/ Breathing / enlightening / Terrifying / Nuturing / Emotional / Uplifting / Reassuring

I’ve arrived! Lovely venue.

With BritMums Butterfly Sarah Miles

Lindemans supplied a little extra sunshine

A LOT of people!

Steph Arsoska at the BiBs

What did I learn?

I learned many things I didn’t know and some that I needed reminding of. On the more practical side, I especially loved the inspiring panel discussion on advocacy and charity campaigns and the workshops on finding a literary agent/writing a book pitch and Google+.

I was reassured by the number of successful bloggers who stressed the importance of being yourself and not comparing what you do to what others do – we all have our place. I was reminded of the importance of connecting with like-minded people and how this feeds my creativity and connects me back to my authentic self. This was most apparent when I fell into an easy discussion with Pippa from Story of Mum (who I have only met once before) about possible future collaborations and found myself agreeing to read a poem as part of her Mama Me-time ‘mini retreat’ on Saturday afternoon. I felt the fear… but, with shaking hands, did it anyway…. And found it slightly less terrifying the second time I shared it… And when Liska asked me to recite it a third time so that she could film it, I really listened to myself and remembered why I wrote the poem in the first place…

As many have already said, Pippa’s session was just what I needed to ground me after the hectic pace over the two days and although it was no longer than any of the other sessions, time did seem to stretch out… Which renewed my energy for the bloggers keynote speeches – many of which made my eyes water a little, so the hilarious performance from the Good Enough Mums Club (go see!) was just right to balance out all that emotion at the end.

Breathe…

The most important reminder for me from the whole weekend was to just remember to Breathe… I don’t think I took quite enough time for this during the weekend and as a result I am still catching my breath a little.

So, with this in mind I am going to take a bit of a blogging break. I need to put my focus elsewhere for a bit so I am not sure when I will be back but when I do I will be doing something else exciting and slightly terrifying! I’ll tell you all about it when I get back.

In the meantime, I’m not taking a social media sabbatical so you can still follow me on twitter @MushroomsMum or, if you enjoyed the poetry you might also want to follow me @ReallyRachaelB for more.

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See the child. Change the system

Posted on: June 25, 2014: Post written by: Rachael

What was your childhood like? If, on balance, it was fairly pleasant then I’m sure you’re aware how lucky you are. Today, there are 3.5 million children in the UK who are living in poverty and almost 1.5 million children experience neglect. 500,000 children are referred to social services annually.

Founder and Director of Kids Company Camila Batmanghelidjh shared these staggering statistics at BritMums Live last week, as part of a panel discussion on advocacy and charity campaigns. I was also lucky enough to speak to her briefly afterwards, when she shared a bit more about why the system is failing and what we can do to help.

The system isn’t working

Of those children who do get referred, many are still not getting the help they need. A recent report from the Centre for Social Justice revealed widespread despair from many of those working within the system.

More than 70% of social workers say they can’t do their job properly, leaving children at risk
Social workers have over 40 life threatening cases each

I had an idea that things were bad from talking to friends and family who are, or work with social workers but these numbers really hit home. So, what can we do about it?

See the Child

[Trigger warning]

Change the system

The delivery of care in Britain is not fit for purpose. To address this, Kids Company has launched a campaign to enable the creation of an Independent Task Force that can re-design social care and mental health services for children, bringing together people from a range of backgrounds to bring about change for vulnerable children. Find out more about the campaign.

How can I help?

Just sign the petition. You can sign by simply texting I SEE to 63000 (standard network charges apply and no donation is taken) or at seethechild.org

You can also raise awareness of the campaign on Facebook and twitter by sharing a childhood photo of yourself, like this one of me:

I’m supporting the #seethechild campaign to help 1.5m children suffering in UK.
To add your voice, sign at seethechild.org or text I SEE to 63000

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Conversations with Mushroom #2: It’s NOT a cafe!

Posted on: June 11, 2014: Post written by: Rachael

Mr B, Mushroom and I were walking back from a family afternoon out. As we passed a local primary school, Mr B and I started to discuss whether it would be worth considering this one as one of Mushroom’s choices. Mushroom was clearly interested in the conversation and eventually asked…

Mushroom: MummyDaddy what you talking?

Mr B: *points to school playground* Mushroom, do you know what this is?

Mushroom: Yes. It a school. It’s MY school. When I am bigger.

Mr B & Me: It might be your school, yes…

Mushroom: *nods knowingly*

Mr B: *to me* Can we include it though? It’s Catholic…

Me: I think faith schools have to accept some non religious students don’t they? I don’t know… It’s a good school from what I know but yes, it is a Catholic school…

Mushroom: It’s NOT A CAFE!

Mr B & Me: What??

Mushroom: *sighs* It’s not a cafe MummyDaddy. It’s MY school. For when I bigger. Ok?

If you read Conversations with Mushroom#1, you might start to notice a theme here..!

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Pretty perfect potatoes

Posted on: June 06, 2014: Post written by: Rachael

I love potatoes, they’re so versatile as either an accompaniment to a meal, or a meal in itself! My favourite (savoury) comfort food, after pasta, is mashed potatoes. You can’t beat a mouthful of creamy, buttery mashed potatoes. So when I received an email asking if I’d like to try GreenVale potatoes, an ‘all-rounder potato’ with ‘a creamy, buttery taste’ of course I said yes! Also, we were out of potatoes…

Here’s what GreenVale has to say about their potatoes:

And what do I think?

I’ll be honest, I was dubious. I usually use whatever is on offer at the supermarket. So many potato brands claim to be good ‘all rounders’ and I tend to find I don’t quite agree. However when it came to Greenvale potatoes, I have to say that they really are a the perfect all-round potato (at least for me)! They were so easy to peel and the flesh was a lovely yellow colour. They were firm, and stayed fresh and firm for just over a week (by which time we’d eaten them all, so possibly longer), whereas some of the supermarket brands we usually buy are often soft or even sprouting in that time. We made mash (obviously), masala wedges and I had intended to make honey mustard roasties but Mr B used up the remaining potatoes when he cooked (mash again)!

Here’s my leek and red pepper mash:

Chop these and saute the leek in butter or your preferred oil

…add to chopped boiled potatoes. Buttery enough without butter, Mr B said, but I couldn’t resist adding a little…

This picture doesn’t do it justice. I could eat a whole pan! Add gravy for extra comfort.

…and simple masala wedges!

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GreenVale potatoes are £2.50 per 2kg sack from Tesco and I will definitely be looking out for them (I haven’t seen them at my local Tesco yet) to buy and see how they roast (I’m sure I won’t be disappointed)! Unless you already buy your veg fresh from a local source, or grow your own – then I highly recommend these potatoes.

Disclosure: I received a 2kg sack bag of GreenVale potatoes for the purposes of this review but opinions (and recipes!) are my own. Read my full PR and disclosure policy here.

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Nice weather for ducks

Posted on: May 30, 2014: Post written by: Rachael

Last weekend Mushroom and I were in Liverpool with my sister, staying with friends and visiting family in New Ferry. Mushroom spent a lot of time playing with the dog (thankfully, overcoming a recent fear he acquired when a dog tried to bite me), playing with old toys, playing football and bouncing around on the trampoline in the garden at our friends’ house with his new ‘best friends’ who he took to calling ‘The Boy’ (with whom he spent most of his time) and ‘The brother’ (they are 13 year old twins).

As a lot of the outdoor time was spent just walking from one place to another Mushroom was usually asleep in his buggy (yes, managed to get him to have some nap time so me and my sis had some catch-up time too!), so when he complained he’d not been ‘out,’ we promised we’d take him to Birkenhead Park to feed the ducks.

It was a nice sunny morning when we went to visit ‘MummyNanny’ (my Nan) and we headed back to go to the park later afternoon… And then it started pouring with rain. Still, a promise is a promise and the dog needed walking so…

Will this be enough bread?
Um yes, I think so…
Good, I eat some too

We fed a couple of ducks who were on the bank before the rain got heavier… and heavier… The ducks swam across to a willow tree and gathered under it, leaving one lone drake eating the bread we’d thrown while pigeons gathered to grab the bits we’d dropped nearby…

Mummy the ducks are swimming away!

Then more pigeons arrived…

Oh gosh Mummy, the pigeon birds are eating all the ducks bread. Poor duckies. Let’s go *shovels rest of bread into mouth*

So… I say it’s nice weather for ducks but they didn’t seem too impressed either! Mushroom had fun though, both feeding the ducks and running around the park throwing the ball for the dog. It was wet and miserable, yes but I’m still glad we got out!

I am linking up to Coombe Mill‘s Country Kids with this post. Click on the image below to find out more.

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The myth of the multi-tasking mother

Posted on: May 27, 2014: Post written by: Rachael

I’m not saying that mothers cannot multi-task. We all can, and do. Even if it’s just eating a sandwich while nursing an infant to keep blood sugar levels up during a Wonder Week feeding marathon (took me a while to master that one), we all do it.

However, I think the myth that women and specifically, mothers, are excellent multi-taskers is almost as dangerous as her sister myth, that women can ‘have it all.’

But mothers are great at multi-tasking… Aren’t they?

Well. To an extent, as I said above, yes, we have to be. We all have a lot to get through each day. To go slightly into detail; We have kids to get up out of bed, to feed, clothe, entertain, take to school/nursery/playgroup/just out. Then there’s more feeding, more entertaining, more appointments/playdates etc. Then there’s the ‘home admin,’ and all that entails. We might also work – full-time/part-time/work-from-home (in any capacity)… It’s all work. Then there are relationships to maintain – partners, family, extended family, friends… And we also need to look after ourselves somewhere along the line.

Did you notice how I put ‘looking after ourselves’ last?

I’ve written about not dropping the glass balls before. In that post, I talked about the importance of putting the glass balls first (and not having more than you can safely juggle), and how routine can help when it comes to managing everything. However… Even though I know this, and even though in my work as a coach* I help people, parents in particular, identify and achieve their goals – one at a time – I still fell for the myth of the multi-tasking mother.

I do a fair bit of stuff. Other than mothering mushroom and all the other ‘life stuff’ (which in itself can be a full-time job, just ask any stay-at-home mum), I also work part-time, write this blog and another one and then there’s the freelance writing and coaching. Usually I try to take some time out in September as, it being the anniversary of my mum’s passing, I know it can be a hard time for me. Last year, I didn’t. In fact, it coincided with some other personal challenges and a busy time at work including a project I found very challenging. I put a lot more time into that, and no less into everything else. I started believing that if ‘everyone else’ (‘everyone?’ Really? In the whole world? Hmmm) was managing, then I ‘should’ (oh how I loathe that word – but that’s for another blog post) – be able to too. Of course, I couldn’t, and didn’t. Remember those glass balls? Well, I put work above health once too often and it slipped. It cracked. I cracked.

At the time, I posted a rather dramatic announcement that I ‘wouldn’t be around for a while,’ only to return two weeks later with a post that explained nothing. The reason I didn’t explain is because I felt that if I’d written down all the things that happened in isolation, they would seem small, ridiculously so in some cases but all together? Well, the build-up was too much. There were of course things beyond my control that I just needed to take the time to reflect on as well as the smaller things that felt insurmountable at the time because, put simply, there was just too much going on in my head. I needed to stop and I didn’t. So I got sick. My body forced a stop for me.

Taking time out

Two weeks was all it took. Just two weeks when I only had to take care of the essentials – Mushroom, myself and my family. My work (all of it) took a back seat and I concentrated on what was important. This short break was the reminder I needed.

Once I ‘switched off’ from all but the essentials I found time to relax I realised that this is what I had been missing for a while. The time to reflect, to ‘take a step back’ from all the ‘doing’ and just ‘be’ for a bit. I spent some time talking to friends, and these conversations got me to step outside myself and see just what I had been doing. Looking back at myself from this new perspective, I realised that all these plans for the future were great but I had sort of pulled the future in so close that it had overtaken the present. I was rushing towards it, trying to do everything – without asking for support when I needed it – and had become less mindful of what I needed right now.

Being more mindful

I felt annoyed with myself at first – when did I start believing I could do it all at once? No-one had been asking me to stretch myself so much. Even at work, I had deadlines, yes but had I asked for help? No, Not this time. Somewhere along the line I’d gone back to thinking that was weak to need support (it’s not) and that I had to just get on with it. There was a voice in the back of my mind telling me that I couldn’t show weakness at work. I had to start challenging myself again. Who told me I was weak? What if I wasn’t? What would it be like to ask for support at work? What’s the worst that could happen? And all the other projects… Well, I’d just put that pressure on myself. I wanted to ‘have it all’ and have it now! I became impatient, so focused on the future that – apart from Mushroom – I wasn’t paying enough attention to the present. However, once I asked for support, it was given without question from several sources and I was able to get that balance back.

Redefining ‘all.’

Now, when I get frustrated about what I’ve not yet achieved I remind myself that I just need to take time out. Just a few minutes to reflect on how far I’ve come, instead of rushing ahead of myself to the next goal. If you’re also in that frustrated phase, try it. Talking through these reflections with others can help too, as it’s easy to dismiss your own achievements when they might seem to you like just a tiny step on this massive journey. When you hear from friends how much you’ve done, you might just feel differently about it. I know I did. That new perspective also makes me look at where I am now and what I have – Mushroom, my health, my family, great friends and so much more – and start to think actually… Maybe I do already ‘have it all.’

I said before that ‘having it all’ is a myth. Well, if we redfine ‘all,’ then perhaps it can be possible.

What do you think? Do you find yourself trying to live up to the myth of the multi-tasking mother who ‘has it all’? What happens if you redefine ‘all’ on your terms? Do share in the comments below, I’d love to hear from you!

*If you’re interested in finding out more about the coaching work I do, have a look here first but the best way to find out if it’s something that would work for you would be to have a chat with me! Consultations are free and we can Hangout on Google+, Skype, or if you live in London, I can meet you anywhere that suits. If the weather’s on our side a walking conversation can work wonders.

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Mothering Mushroom

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